As Promised, Chapter 1

   I decided to have a little fun, I hope you enjoy it and take in the spirit in which it is offered.

Apocrypha Now

(With apologies to Francis Ford Coppolla)

A Tragic Comedy

By: Epicurious George

   I’m lying on the bed watching the ceiling fan spin lazily in circles. On the CD player a Palestrina Mass plays quietly.

Rome

….shit….I’m still only in Rome. I’ve been back here for a week now. They thought it would be best if I kept a low profile after the conclave. It’s funny, when I was here; I only wanted to get back home. When I was home, I only wanted to get back here. I hardly said a word to my spiritual director until I said yes to confession. Now that I’m here, I’m waiting, withering on the vine.

   All I wanted was a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one. They brought it up to me like Viaticum. It was a real choice mission and when it was over, I’d never want another. I was taken in a blacked out van to a building within the Vatican City-State. The Swiss Guards, popped to attention as I walked down the dimly lit halls into a room where two old Cardinals sat sipping espresso. The darkness obscured their faces but I recognized one by the light of the Zippo as he lit what had to be his third Marlboro of the hour. Ignaro Cardinale Conservatore, Head of the Vatican Special Purposes Office, my boss. His raspy voice wheezed a greeting and he poured me an espresso.

 

“Bongiorno, Capitan Fossile. My associate is Archbishop Fascisti, he will brief you.”

   

I turned to the Archbishop and nodded. He began to speak. “Captain, do you know Fr. Liberale Antipatico?”

   “Only by reputation, sir.”

“Fr. Antipatico is a Jesuit and an accomplished theologian. He was one of our finest teachers and thinkers. Published numerous times, he was a rising star in the hierarchy. He took a teaching job in

America

at the Washington Theological Union. Then his ideas, his methods, became unsound…unsound.”

   Conservatore cut in; “These e-mails were intercepted via our intelligence service, we find them very disturbing.” I read the e-mails.

To: editor@ncronline.com

From: Antipat@wtu.edu

Subject: Brilliant Work By Mcbrien

   Fr. McBrien’s coverage of the conclave is brilliant. I agree that we need a more progressive Pope. Hopefully we will see that with the election of Cardinal Martini or Cardinal Daneels.

To: agreel@aol.com

From: Antipat@wtu.edu

Subject: Your New Book

   Fr. Greeley,

   I look forward to your new book and can’t wait to read it. Could I get an autographed copy?

To: RHaight@interdict.edu

From: Antipat@wtu.edu

Subject: Jesus Symbol of God

   Loved the book! It will go down as a seminal study of theology in the twenty first century!

   I looked at Cardinal Conservatore. “Fr. Antipatico was one the finest priests this country has ever produced; and he was a good man too, a good fine man. We all have a breaking point Captain. I have one, you have one. Lib Antipatico has obviously reached his and he has quite obviously gone insane.”

  Fascisti continued, “Your mission will be to proceed to

America

as part of the

Vatican

school and seminary inspection team. You will get to WTU, infiltrate Fr. Antipatico’s circle using whatever means available and terminate the Father’s tenure.”

   The full reality of what he was telling me began to sink in. “Terminate the Father?” I asked.

   Conservatore answered me, “His theological beliefs have exceeded the bounds of even the most extreme Catholic doctrine, and he’s still in the classroom teaching students.”

   Fascisti finished, “Terminate, with extreme prejudice.”

TO BE CONTINUED

Comments

[Christopher Blosser]

HAHAHAHA! -- LOVE IT! (Do continue . . .)